Monday, September 29, 2008

the right to sell my self

I put in a solid six hours of nonstop work on my practicum project today. I created real deadlines by lining up meetings with my practicum supervisior instead of waiting until I finished the project to talk. Sometimes I just think I really need that. Its pressure but its a real deadline. I do worry that its taking time from my other classes, but I'm on '2nd extension' so it should be a priority. I have until Thanksgiving technically, but I want it done by mid October at the latest. My classes will only be getting busier and more important each week, and I don't want to urn in mediocre work just because I'm overwhelmed. 

I have to say, I'm really proud of the quality of work I've put into this project. Even if only one person ever sees it, I know I've put my all into it. Tomorrow I will spend half my day in a car chasing a fall internship. I have a quiet confidence that I will be a perfect fit for what they need. Its a small nature center, a small hodgepodge of exhibits with a long history and tight budget. But that's real life. You don't always get to play with the billion dollar exhibits.

I have a natural ability to foresee problems, critique, connect and analyze media. I don't know where I got it but I am very good at knowing what to look for, what to tweak, what might be a problem, what won't/will work. Its hard to articulate though. Until you put me in exhibit design over the summer and I start bring up questions and design considerations that didn't even cross the instructor's mind...

I am still uncomfortable talking about those skills I have, too, because to say I'm natural at that and I have a thorough viewpoint is to me, arrogant. But when I graduate, won't I be selling my skills to employers? Does holding a master's degree give me some kind of bragging rights of does my ability speak for itself?

Having to work to show what I've done is important, too. Showing by really doing in the world. Not as an assignment but in something the public sees, does, learns. I always wanted to be a textbook writer for the same reasons I'm now interested in exhibit design. I truly believe that I can do it better than it exists right now. Am I brilliant? No. Do I know everything about everything? No, of course not. But I'm beginning to realize that i have my own specific point of view and skills, and it feels pretty damn good sometimes.

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